roadtripping.

Funsters ISO kitsch: a trip to the grooviest motel in Wisconsin.

continued from page 4

On the road up to Milwaukee from Chicago, we had noticed a sign. Roadside America is littered with signs on very tall poles, reaching tumescent like phallic symbols into the sky. But this one, this one was different. It was a tad less aggressive. And it was all about cheese. We observed. We were reverent. We decided that before we bought anything, we had to eat an actual breakfast.

Wisconsin is sausage country, after all.

Conveniently located a roadkill dash across the highway, we found the Star Bar & Restaurant, serving all day breakfast and cocktails and deep-fried cheese curds. Oh, how we were tempted by the cheese curds, but we resisted, settling instead on a classic two-eggs-sausage-rye-toast deal. And those were mighty fine sausages, let me tell you. The real deal.

Then - heaven on earth for some of us, hell for the lactose intolerant, or those concerned about their cholesterol levels - the Mars Cheese Castle.

Kitted out like an actual castle with crenellations and an outer-space-themed heraldic crest, the Mars Cheese Castle features over one hundred and eighty kinds of cheese. They have every kind of cheese you can imagine, and some you'd rather not. I was pleased to find that there were samples of the chocolate cheese fudge available; I was able to try some without actually having to spend money on it. The texture is just like fudge, as is the taste, but with a cheesey, salt-and-sour-milk kind of aftertaste. Our reaction: "Oh, this isn't bad... yes it is." There is cheese shaped like a beer stein, that comes with a salami shaped like a beer bottle. There is cheese shaped like a cow, like a barn, like the state of Wisconsin. There were more cheeses and cheese-related products than you could possibly imagine: from scary processed food products to cow print kitchen wear to dozens of different mustards and hot sauces. Green Bay Packers paraphernalia. Beer, wine (I picked up a bottle of lovely Chateau Ste. Michelle sauvignon blanc), a full bakery. They sold giant danishes (called "kringles") and freshly baked cheese bread. So much to choose from!

We ended up settling on a loaf of cheese bread (truly delicious, packaged in a "reusable" waxed-paper bag), some chocolate stuff, a mustard, liver sausage (for Dad), and a state-of-wisconsin-shaped cookie cutter filled with white chocolate and Door County cherries (Who knew they had orchards in Wisconsin? The cheeseheads knew!), and authentic local root beer.

Then, back to the interstate to face the dreaded Chicago traffic once more, before heading south to Indianapolis.

continue to page 6

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